Late to the party on this one, but I thought it worthwhile throwing in my own experience, so that others have an opportunity to learn from my mistakes.
Marriage - Bliss or Prison?
My answer to that is both. I have been married for 17 years. And my wife and I were going out for 13 years before we tied the knot.
And we have been separated now for just over 12 months.
It might surprise some here, but my perception of marriage being prison does not relate to the fact that our relationship broke down.
My perception of marriage being both bliss and prison is no different to a job, for example. There's times when your job may be both bliss and prison, depending on who else you are working with, your approach or attitude to the work, particular circumstances or issues that arrive in your day to day work, etc.
Marriage, IMHO, is no different. It ebbs and flows depending on a whole heap of influencing factors, both external to the relationship and within the relationship. Some of those factors are beyond your control. And others are within your control or influence.
My estranged (am I the only one that hates the sound of that word?) wife and I retain a healthy relationship. For the sake of our daughter. But also out of respect for each other. People I speak to about my situation are often quite surprised that my estranged wife and I are able to maintain a friendship. But as I tell them, we were friends before we entered into a relationship, and just because we have worked out that we can't live with each other, doesn't mean we need to throw away the friendship as well.
Like others on here, my belief is that empathy is a key to maintaining a healthy relationship. Not sympathy, but true empathy. Put yourself in the other person's shoes, do the absolute best you can to see a situation form their perspective. If you (and the other party) do that, you're more likely to be able to work together to work through issues that arise. You don't have to have the same thoughts/preferences/likes/dislikes, you just need to be able to understand what the other person's perspective is and why they hold that view.
That's why leesa's insights are worthwhile taking on board. We (as men) may not be able to see things the way women see things. But we can try and put ourselves in their shoes and understand why they feel the way they feel. It doesn't mean we have to agree with their perspective, but we should respect their perspective.
I've done a lot of reflecting in the last 12 months, both around my actions (or lack thereof) and my wife's actions (or lack thereof). We both failed each other. I can't change what she did or how she will act in the future. But I can change my actions for any future relationship I may have. That is the least I can do.
Do I regret being married? Not for a second! We were able to bring a bright, healthy, loving child into this world. No one could ever consider that a regret. On top of that, we spent many, many years enjoying our life together. Times I could never have had with anyone else in this world. We shared a heap of highs together. And we experienced a number of lows together as well.
I do regret that our marriage ended, and how and why it ended. If I could jump in a time machine and go back and change the way I went about things, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
My biggest regret is that I wasn't there for my wife when she needed me the most. Not that it was ever intentional, I just was too insulated to be able to see the signs. And, on some things, she felt she couldn't share them with me. I haven't had the chance to tell her that, but would really love to do that some day. Not to make me feel better, but just so that she knows that I'm sorry for every time I wasn't there for her and the hurt I caused as a result. That, to me, is the sign of love; even in our failed marriage I still don't want to hurt her.
Sorry for the ramble, but this is the most I've ever told anyone about our failed relationship. It is somewhat therapeutic. Far cheaper than counselling, too
I get that everyone's experiences are different and some will share a completely different view based on their own experiences, but, to sum up, don't be afraid to enter into marriage because it may not work. If you fear marriage because of potential failure, you will never experience the bliss that marriage can bring. As the saying goes, it is better to have tried and failed than to never have tried at all.
Just make sure you go into the marriage with a view that it is a marathon. It is not a sprint. You cannot just put the effort into the start of the marriage. You need to put the effort in for the rest of your life.
I hope that my views resonate with others. I also hope that some of you take the opportunity to learn from my mistakes such that you don't make the same mistakes in your own relationships.
One thing I have noted about society in the last 5 years or so is that it is becoming more acceptable for people to talk about their feelings. Don't be afraid to talk to someone you trust about how you feel. Sometimes just talking about it can change your complete outlook. And take the opportunity to listen to other's experiences and learn from them. You are not just helping them out, you may just help yourself too.