Battery and/or Alternator Testers?

[Crazy Dazz]

Anybody used one of these that they would recommend?

From what I have seen, they seem to fall into the following categories:

1. Extremely cheap "LED" testers, which I assume simply mimic a multi-meter, and are basically pointless. About the only thing they will detect is if your battery has dropped a cell, or your alternator is completely cactus.
2. Basic load testers of around 100 amps. Not really sure how much good that is to test a battery that should be able to put out 4~500A. Again, I suspect they would detect if your battery was complete *****.
3. Electronic testers, which claim to give a comprehensive report, including testing 5~800 CCA. I'm sceptical, as there is no way they could sustain a 500A current without melting.
4. 500A Carbon Pile testers. They at least look the part. Problem is they cost more than a new battery, so for somebody with only a couple of cars, its a bit self-defeating.

I'd also like to know the best way to test an alternator.
(Without buying an $800 tester.) I've tried using a multi-meter, but that can only measure voltage, and is usually ambiguous.

NB: Please don't suggest "go to an auto electrician," as obviously I would already have done that if so inclined.