blonde joke ha ha funny

[BA_BOSS]

Two Blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger, but they couldn’t. The blonde with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, “Hurry up! It’s starting to rain and the top is down!”

[BA_BOSS]

Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theater? They went to see “Closed for Winter”.

[BA_BOSS]

Q&A

Q: What did the blonde say to the large breasted waitress after reading Her name tag?
A: What did you name the other one?

Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: A Branch Manager.

Q: What did the blonde name her pet Zebra?
A: Spotty.

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locked the keys in her car.

Q: What you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.

Q: What’s a blonde’s idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicapped zone.

Q: Why did the blonde climb the chain link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why don’t blondes make ice cubes?
A: They keep forgetting the recipe.

Q: What do you call ten blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

Q: What did the blonde’s mother say to her before her date?
A: “If you’re not in bed by midnight, come home.”

Q: Why did the blonde pee on the floor?
A: Because the sign said “Wet FLoor”.

Q: Why did the blonde try to steal a police car?
A: She saw “911” on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: What did the blonde say to the doctor when she found out she was Pregnant?
A: Are you sure it’s mine?

Q: What do you call a blonde virgin?
A: A myth.

Q: How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?
A: She opens the car door.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: Her blinkers were on.

Q: Why can’t blondes drive?
A: Because once they get in the front seat they don’t know what to do?

Q: How do you kill a one armed blonde hanging from a cliff?
A: Wave!

Q: If a blonde and a brunette jumped off the building, who would get down first?
A: The brunette, because the blonde would have to stop to ask for directions.

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: Takes too long to retrain them.

Q: What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
A: Oh look! Doughnut seeds!

Q: What do you call 500 blondes in a box?
A: Frosted Flakes.

Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: A Golden labrador.

Q: Do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby’s diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it “good for up to 20 pounds.”

Q What do you call an eternity?
A Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

Q Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
A Toes Go In First.

Q What do SMART Blondes and UFO’s have in common?
A You always hear about them but never see them.

Q What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
A “Oh look, Daddy...Doughnut seeds.”

Q Why did the Blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
A Because it said concentrate.

Q Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A They think their picture is being taken.

Q How can you tell when a Blonde sends you a fax?
A It has a stamp on it.

Q Why can’t Blondes dial 911?
A They can’t find the 11 on the phone!

Q What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you?
A Run, she’s got a grenade in her mouth!

Q How can you tell if a Blonde has been using your computer?
A There is white-out all over the monitor.

Q Why don’t Blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A Because they can’t fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

Q Why won’t they hire Blondes as pharmacists?
A They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

Q Hear about the Blonde that got an AM radio?
A It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.

Q Why shouldn’t Blondes have coffee breaks?
A It takes too long to retrain them.

Q How do you drown a Blonde?
A Put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

Q What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team?
A They drowned in Spring Training.

Q What did the Blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
A “Look! They spelled MACY’S wrong!”

Q Why did the Blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A To see what was on the other side.

Q How do you make a Blonde laugh on Saturday?
A Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
A You have to hollow out the head.

Q How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde’s eye?
A Shine a flashlight in her ear.

[BA_BOSS]

$50
A blonde (whatever) wanted to earn some extra money, so she decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked if they had any jobs for her to do.

“Well, you can paint my porch” the man replied. “for $50.” She agreed. “The paint and brushes and ladders and everything you will need are in the garage.”

The man’s wife overheard this, and asked “Only $50? Does she realize the porch goes almost all the way around the house?” “She should, she was standing on it!”

A short while later, the blonde comes to the door asking for her money. She says she had extra paint left over, so she put a second coat on it.

And “by the way, that’s a Mazda, not a Porch.

[bob 351]

Originally Posted by flappist

http://babelfish.altavista.com ....... nup even that won't translate it.......

um not sure i know where your going with this maybe i'm having a blonde moment [he he he ]

[BA_BOSS]

The Blonde and the Police officer”

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding.

He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works.

“I’ve pulled you over for speeding, Ma’me.... could I see your drivers license...?”

“...What’s a license...???” replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.

“It’s usually in your wallet...” replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it.

“Now may I see your registration...” asked the cop.

“Registration..... what’s that....?” asked the blonde.

“It’s usually in your glove compartment...” said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration. “I’ll be back in a minute...” said the cop and walked back to his car.

The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman’s license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back;

“Ummm.... is this woman driving a red sports car?”

“Yes....” replied the officer.

“Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?” asked the dispatcher.

“Uh... yes” replied the cop.

“Here’s what you do....” said the dispatcher. “Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants...”
“WHAT!!? I can’t do that. Its..... inappropriate...” exclaimed the cop.

“Trust me..... just do it....” said the dispatcher.

So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.

The blonde looks down and sighs..... “Ohh no... not ANOTHER breathalyzer.

[BA_BOSS]

Two Cowboys

Two cowboys were leanin’ up against the rail at their favourite bar.... They’re tired and worn out from a long day. Havin a couple of longnecks, just relaxin’ and talking, watchin’ the women go by... This really beautiful brunette walks by, and the two cowboys look at her, tip their hats back a little, look at each other, smile, and one of them says, “I’ll give her a 3.”

The other cowboy nods slowly, and says, “Yep. She’s a 3 for sure.” Little while later another woman, this time a fantastic lookin redhead, comes walkin by in front of them... First cowboy looks her up and down, smiles, takes a sip from his beer, and says to the second cowboy, “Well, I think that one must be a 4.” The second cowboy agrees and says, “Yep... she sure is a 4.”

Time passes on, and the cowboys are still sippin’ their beers, just watchin’ folks pass. And across the room comes this absolutely gorgeous, drop-dead beautiful blonde.... As she comes near them, they both kind a straighten up, and tip their hats back a little for a better look. First cowboy smiles real wide, looks at his pal and says, “Damn! That one has GOT to be a 6.” The second cowboy nods slowly, grins, and says, “Yep. DEFINITELY a 6.”

Well, the woman hears them.. and she is NOT amused... She turns around real sharply and comes right up to the two grinning cowboys... She looks the first one in the eye and says, “Excuse me. But are you two actually standing there rating women"?

The cowboys look kind a embarrassed... lookin down at their boots, and they both nod. One of them says, “Well, yes ma’am, we are, but you don’t understand....” She is REAL mad now... and looks at the cowboy and says, “Well, I’ll have you know I’ve been rated far higher than that by far better than YOU.”

And the second cowboy says, “But, ma’am, you really don’t understand!” And she says, “Well. What is it I don’t understand. Here you are, rating women. I understand THAT!.”

And the first cowboy says, “But ma’am, we use a different kind a rating system .....”

The blonde, says, “Oh. And what would THAT be? No one has EVER rated me a SIX before!”

And the second cowboy says, “Well, we use the Budweiser method, ma’am.”

So she asks, “What the hell is the Budweiser method?” And the first cowboy smiles, looks at her and says, reeeeal slowly, “Well ma’am, that’s how many Clydesdales it would take to pull you off my face.”

[Schlimmeh]

What's the difference between a blonde male and blonde female?

Blonde Females have a higher sperm count...

[ThoR_]

lmfao im actually laughing pretty loud

[ThoR_]

What do blondes and coke bottles have in common?

There all empty form the neck up

[Matthew]

Q:How do you make a blond freak out?


A:draw a circle around her and tell her to stand in the corner

[Hardtopxb]

An oldie..Two blonds in Sydney looking at the moon.One asks the other did she think the moon or Melbourne was closer?.The other replies, I can't believe you are so stupid,can you see Melbourne from here?.

[cool65]

FINAL EXAM
The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists
of yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall,
stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of
inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing
the coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails.
Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is
still sweating it out. During the last few minutes she is seen
desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator,
alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."

[cool65]

not blonde but gooooood......

As the woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?"
The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."
The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm thirty- five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."
A couple days later, the wife came home from shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room. She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.
The wife asked, "What the hell are you doing?"
The husband replied, "I'm watching the ball game with my son-in-law."

[cool65]

Subject: Fwd: Virus Hoax

If you receive an email entitled "Bedtimes", delete it IMMEDIATELY.
Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty.
It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also
delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
It demagnetizes the strips on ALL of your credit cards.
It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and
uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.
It will program your phone auto dial to call only 900 numbers.
This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING.
It will drink ALL your beer!! FOR GOD'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING??
It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company.
It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine.
If the "Bedtimes" message opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will
leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously
close to a full bathtub.
It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows,
it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.

-WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN. --

And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you'll fart so hard
that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you,
sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you. Send to this everyone

If you are a blonde, this is a joke!!!!...