""DEPRESSION"" frustration !!!!

gtfpv · 27-02-2008, 07:08 PM

i was going to put this in JC's thread, but i felt it unwarrented. sorry to hear about your brother JC .

THIS IS A RANT ABOUT HOW BAD DEPRESSION CAN BE, AND HOW FRUSTRATING IT IS FOR ME . its not about me , it's about my best mate of 30 years. it's very hard not to hate him as he has completely withdrawn from me over the last 5 years.
we were like brothers as kids, always enjoyed each others company as best mates do . plenty of laughing, confidents in each other . . when he was in his 20's he was diagnosed with depression , and changed to a very staunt direct f you kind of bloke. he had little tolerance for anybodies BS . HE was a cop, so i admired his charactor. this got worse , to the point where he lost faith in people , he ended up losing his job in his mid 20's by resigning on the spot, after a dissagreement with his superiors. the pattern emerged with other employers the same way. he then started to withdraw from society. by the time he was 30 he coulnt hold a job without leaving, diagnosed with serious depression, and bipolar dissorder , his life was to the point of a downward spiral. as his best friend this became hard to watch , as i was starting to lose him as a mate , because he simply had no time for anyone elses problems, only his own . i tried to tell him that everybody has thier demons and problems and that his are no more important than others . we all live on the same planet and face the day. over time , he started withdrwing from family and friends to the point where people just give up on him.
i'm now 38 , so is he , i have 2 kids 9 and 7, he doesnt even know thier names , over the last 5 years as best mates our communication has reduced from occassional get togethers say 4times ayear to him cancelling meetups , or postponing them . eventually to phone calls only where he would only answer perhaps 1 in 10 phone calls i made to him . he made no calls to me, i was left to find out off relatives of his as to what he is up to , and i found he was treating his own mother, and everyone else exactly the same . gradual withdrawel. i went around to his place unexpected as this was the only way i'd be able to catch him . he moved , and i never fouhnd out his new address, i tried hard to remain in contact, to the point where it was by TXT only, as he would never answer a phone, then reduced TXT REPLYING became apparant . till eventually no reply whatsoever, all i have is a phone number and a message bank now that is never answered , all his relatives have moved , i have lost contact with his wife, and i dont know where he lives . we never had a fall pout . and after the last few years this was confirmed by him , when he was good enough to txt. i have withdrawn for up to a year at a time , but have always tried to re contact. and now it is finally to the point where i have to face that i have lost him as a friend . i havent seen him for 2 years , he wont answer a phone , nor TXT RPLY, and i have no addresss. asking for them has simply crewated a total withdrawal.
to put it simply i cant help him and wouldnt know if he is dead or alive .

MENTAL ILLNESS IS A REAL TERIBLE THING .

Duke · 27-02-2008, 07:17 PM

Sorry for your despair mate.

Yes, it is terrible - extremely so.

fmc351 · 27-02-2008, 07:34 PM

The problem with situations of depression is he has to want to help himself, and the issues he faces to him seem so insurmountable they may not let him so its circular, but its all within him so you cant help until he actually wants it. Professionals struggle with it. As a mate youve given it a damn good go by the sounds of it. Most people pull up their socks and soldier on, for some reason others cant.

But this guy is diagnosed as Bi-polar so that complicates it and maybe he cant help himself, it is a real issue not simply an over-emotional or selfish outlook. As I said, professionals struggle with helping people like that, how the hell are we meant to deal with it. You cant.

**Falcon Coupe** · 27-02-2008, 07:36 PM

I have experience with these issues and while i can sympathise, i fail to see why it's posted on a car Forum.

There are forums that offer specialised help for medical issues.

Jorgo85 · 27-02-2008, 07:56 PM

Hence the reason he posted in "The Bar" - For all non-automotive related topics. The Bar is a general chit chat place.

Duke · 27-02-2008, 08:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EFXR65spd

Hence the reason he posted in "The Bar" - For all non-automotive related topics. The Bar is a general chit chat place.

Yes, I've noticed a few times where threads have been "knocked" for not being related to cars or Ford but under the heading of the Bar it says "For non Automotive Related Chat"...

So what's wrong with this thread? Nothing!

Pinch · 27-02-2008, 08:22 PM

From what I have seen on this forum there are many, many different people that love and drive Fords that do all kind of jobs, and from all walks of life. To me it seems a champion little community here where people with but one thing in common can and do help each other out. I am a lawyer and have spoken to a few others on the site too, there are counsellors, medics, cops firies, everything.

Post an issue (in the Bar), someone might have the answer.

tapeworm · 27-02-2008, 10:14 PM

Sounds very similar to a mate of mine except he has a bad problem with anxiety. Could be improved but he won't or feels he can't help himself.

mrxy8 · 27-02-2008, 10:32 PM

Not knowing gtfpv, I can't answer for him, however I assume he feels comfortable with the people of this form and was looking to draw from their experience.
As Pinch stated, there are people from all walks of life here.

I too suffer from the "black dog" and have been involved with many others who have been affected by it.
Depression is a terrible, terrible thing and is very hard to cope/deal with.

gtfpv, It sounds like you did all that you could with out being nosy or pushy.
I congratulate you for not just giving up and putting it in the too hard basket.
It's just a shame that your friends demons stopped him from being able to see what was there in front of him.

You are always looking for someone to "give you their hand", to help to pull you out of the hole that your in, but all too often you completely miss seeing the hands that are right in front of you.
You feel completely helpless, despite the people around you trying to help as much as they can.
As personal as depression is (as in, there are no visible signs and its "all in your head" so to speak), it affects all the people around you.

I have found that depression is a bit like the simpsons being stuck on that roundabout in England (or where ever it was) You just keep going round and around. You know you need to get off and you can see the exit, but you just can't reach it. You know there is a problem and you know that this isn't how you want to feel, but you just cant pull your self out of the hole.

Anyways, I hope that this hasn't come out too confusing, This is something that I feel quite strongly about.

Daymoe · 27-02-2008, 11:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gtfpv

i was going to put this in JC's thread, but i felt it unwarrented. sorry to hear about your brother JC .

THIS IS A RANT ABOUT HOW BAD DEPRESSION CAN BE, AND HOW FRUSTRATING IT IS FOR ME . its not about me , it's about my best mate of 30 years. it's very hard not to hate him as he has completely withdrawn from me over the last 5 years.
we were like brothers as kids, always enjoyed each others company as best mates do . plenty of laughing, confidents in each other . . when he was in his 20's he was diagnosed with depression , and changed to a very staunt direct f you kind of bloke. he had little tolerance for anybodies BS . HE was a cop, so i admired his charactor. this got worse , to the point where he lost faith in people , he ended up losing his job in his mid 20's by resigning on the spot, after a dissagreement with his superiors. the pattern emerged with other employers the same way. he then started to withdraw from society. by the time he was 30 he coulnt hold a job without leaving, diagnosed with serious depression, and bipolar dissorder , his life was to the point of a downward spiral. as his best friend this became hard to watch , as i was starting to lose him as a mate , because he simply had no time for anyone elses problems, only his own . i tried to tell him that everybody has thier demons and problems and that his are no more important than others . we all live on the same planet and face the day. over time , he started withdrwing from family and friends to the point where people just give up on him.
i'm now 38 , so is he , i have 2 kids 9 and 7, he doesnt even know thier names , over the last 5 years as best mates our communication has reduced from occassional get togethers say 4times ayear to him cancelling meetups , or postponing them . eventually to phone calls only where he would only answer perhaps 1 in 10 phone calls i made to him . he made no calls to me, i was left to find out off relatives of his as to what he is up to , and i found he was treating his own mother, and everyone else exactly the same . gradual withdrawel. i went around to his place unexpected as this was the only way i'd be able to catch him . he moved , and i never fouhnd out his new address, i tried hard to remain in contact, to the point where it was by TXT only, as he would never answer a phone, then reduced TXT REPLYING became apparant . till eventually no reply whatsoever, all i have is a phone number and a message bank now that is never answered , all his relatives have moved , i have lost contact with his wife, and i dont know where he lives . we never had a fall pout . and after the last few years this was confirmed by him , when he was good enough to txt. i have withdrawn for up to a year at a time , but have always tried to re contact. and now it is finally to the point where i have to face that i have lost him as a friend . i havent seen him for 2 years , he wont answer a phone , nor TXT RPLY, and i have no addresss. asking for them has simply crewated a total withdrawal.
to put it simply i cant help him and wouldnt know if he is dead or alive .

MENTAL ILLNESS IS A REAL TERIBLE THING .

Sounds like what happened to my Uncle, he went all strange, would turn up for work occasionally then quit, then we never heard from him for 2 years, until he showed up at my grandpa's funeral, though he seems to have improved.

Interceptor · 28-02-2008, 09:52 AM

biggest thing is people, especially the ones who should know better and the ones who should care, telling people who are having a seriously bad time that "suicide is for the weak"

BabyJ · 28-02-2008, 10:05 AM

I know what your mate is going thru. I'm in the same boat myself and I'm really struggling to stay afloat.
I've slowly cut myself off from all my family & mates over the last few years. Its more out of embarrassment really, I don't want to burden them with my problems and more importantly I don't want to talk to them about it.
It may be hard for you to deal with and I can tell that you only want to help him but its probably really hard for him too and your just going to have to accept that he doesn't want to talk to you right now and give him space. Let him be and hope for the best.
I'm not trying to preach to you but I thought you could use an opinion from someone who's also fighting with depression.

I wish you and your friend all the best.

Jesk · 28-02-2008, 11:32 AM

Yeah depression is a real problem even if it is just all in our heads. I hate medication and think its bull and doesn't work so I fight it myself which takes a lot of energy. I've just had a big wake up call myself and realised I'd basically cut everyone bar a few people (literally few) out of my life not consciously but it just happened and I'm really focused on trying to rectify this situation. I wish you the best of luck at trying to reach this guy. Cos those of us that suffer from this need mates like you though I admit people rocking up at my joint unannounced really does upset my equilibrium cos my place is my sanctuary where i recharge from the world and to have the world drop in knocks me around.

gtfpv · 28-02-2008, 01:26 PM

my advice to those who are depressed is . from the otherside of the equation .
go and have a beer with your mates, or a coffeee or a chat. they have problems too. the world really doesnt judge too harshly. your problem isnt thiers so they are not likely to think of you what you think they do. i know depression is a struggle and it's something lots of people have to carry around all the time , and everyone carries it artleast once .
but go out relax and talk about something , maybe just about your friends life ( not yours) you can always go back home and be depressed again , but i little time out is good for you.
good luck guys , remember , depressed peple often become focussed on thier own problems, you really do need to accept that maybe your best friend or relatives may just have bigger problems than you, they are just hiding it a bit better,
it kinda lessens the burden when you think of life this way .
cheers

raised by monkeys · 28-02-2008, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fmc351

The problem with situations of depression is he has to want to help himself, and the issues he faces to him seem so insurmountable they may not let him so its circular, but its all within him so you cant help until he actually wants it. Professionals struggle with it. As a mate youve given it a damn good go by the sounds of it. Most people pull up their socks and soldier on, for some reason others cant.

But this guy is diagnosed as Bi-polar so that complicates it and maybe he cant help himself, it is a real issue not simply an over-emotional or selfish outlook. As I said, professionals struggle with helping people like that, how the hell are we meant to deal with it. You cant.

i work in community services and i am a social work student. I work with clients with depression including post natal depression and bipolar, schizophrenia, anxiety including OCD, personality disorders... you name it ive worked with someone with it.
youre right, people with depression lack motivation and feel a lack of importance and carrying so much weight on their shoulders its unbearable. But being diagnosed with bipolar may actually be a slightly good thing. Not sure if you are aware or not, but bipolar (in short) consists of mania and severe lows. The best thing that i think people can do (and some people come around faster than others) and i know youve been trying your best, is weekly contact, even when it comes to the point of being told to go away and being threatened with a restraining order - contact contact contact. In the hope that they may come to realise that people actually care. It would be good to catch this guy during "mania" and hopefully willing to get in to see his GP. By your description (and im far off being a clinician, but it doesnt sound impossible that this guy may also have traits of a personality disorder (incases people people with P.D. stay away from some people - i.e. their doctor gives them drugs which make them happy, but their friends keeping annoying them by stopping in to see how they are, and what tend to do is split people up into sub groups i.e. people they like and peole they hate).
My adice is keep plugging away. If you are pushed away smile, and say "okay, i'll see you next week" and just keep doing it (i know you said your unable to contact him). Also what i have found with clientel is support groups - the realisation that there is other people in his situation, where he will come into contact with people who understand, can help and will hear "success stories" from others who have suffered depression.

As it has bee mentioned, it is up to the person to help themself, but i is up to their closest support group/family/friend to give them a "boost" over that first hurdle of realising they need help and willing to accept it.
My advice is just keep plugging away, cause if you don't, who will?

goodluck mate.

P.S. I have a lot of information on mental illnes including depression and bipolar if you'd like some.

raised by monkeys · 28-02-2008, 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gtfpv

my advice to those who are depressed is . from the otherside of the equation. go and have a beer with your mates, or a coffeee or a chat. they have problems too. the world really doesnt judge too harshly.

beer is a depressant. Not usually a good idea if having more than 1-2.

Not being judgemental is a huge point.

good luck

01-03-2008, 12:28 PM

i suffer from depression quite badly, i have been hospitalized due to it, lost all my friends, lost my g/f and spent a lot of money during my manic episodes. i really hate the fact that people who know nothing about it try to offer their opinions to me, for all of you that dont know, a lot of the cases of depression is simply due to a chemical imbalance in the brain, this is easily fixed with medication (although the medication does make you extramely tired 24/7 and you dont feel like yourself). Other times the people have been coping fine with the chemical imbalance until something just tips them over the edge. i have seen many people who say they have depression, they are always smiling and happy, it is over diagnosed, you will never know the hell of it untill you are at the point where you dont want to go on and feel like a total waste of space. Now after years of medication and some councelling im on top of it, never have a down period mainly due to the love of my life i met on http://www.mymatchmakers.com.au she understands me as you can explain yourself quite easily on there without feeling embarrased, we have lived together for 3 months now and loving it, guys/gals do something to take your mind off it like this, but i think the best help is medication

Windsor220 · 01-03-2008, 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gtfpv

my advice to those who are depressed is . from the otherside of the equation .
go and have a beer with your mates, or a coffeee or a chat. they have problems too. the world really doesnt judge too harshly. your problem isnt thiers so they are not likely to think of you what you think they do. i know depression is a struggle and it's something lots of people have to carry around all the time , and everyone carries it artleast once .
but go out relax and talk about something , maybe just about your friends life ( not yours) you can always go back home and be depressed again , but i little time out is good for you.
good luck guys , remember , depressed peple often become focussed on thier own problems, you really do need to accept that maybe your best friend or relatives may just have bigger problems than you, they are just hiding it a bit better,
it kinda lessens the burden when you think of life this way .
cheers

Reading that tells me you dont understand depression. You cant just forget it and be all happy and go out with mates etc. Its an illness of the brain. You can get strong suicidle thoughts out of nowhere. I am just recovering from depression after a number of years. The medication did wonders for me but a large cause of it was my old lifestyle and friends. I stopped talking to my old mates of 10 years made some new ones and seriously havent felt better. Im a new man. I dont know what the sitiuation is with you and your friend but maybe he feels its time to move on.

01-03-2008, 01:09 PM

i can tell you right now, no one has a bigger problem than you wanting to end your life, im so sick of people saying "yeh well we got problems too" whatever mate were you just in hospital cos you got caught out trying to kill ya self.

GT0132 · 01-03-2008, 03:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Duke

Yes, I've noticed a few times where threads have been "knocked" for not being related to cars or Ford but under the heading of the Bar it says "For non Automotive Related Chat"...

So what's wrong with this thread? Nothing!

I agree what's the issue? ....I thought that was the purpose of the bar. If not then get rid of it.....

fmc351 · 01-03-2008, 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lookingforlove

i can tell you right now, no one has a bigger problem than you wanting to end your life, im so sick of people saying "yeh well we got problems too" whatever mate were you just in hospital cos you got caught out trying to kill ya self.

Youre misinterpreting what youre saying. What youre referring to are just the mechanism people use to deal with issues, not the severity of the issue.

Unless you want to tell me you just buried your child, then dont tell me your problems are more serious than other peoples just because the parent of the deceased child isnt trying to kill themselves.

Im not trying to minimise the issues you face, Im simply trying to point you in the right direction. The way you cope or dont cope says nothing about the severity of the issues you face, it only speaks of the ways you deal with issues when they arise.

There are people who grow up in warzones, people who witness their families literally butchered, holocaust survivors, parents burying children and parents who have no idea what happened to their kid yet go on day after day, cmon, there are people dealing with issues that are massive.

01-03-2008, 05:57 PM

yeh why would a "super moderator" not even know what the point of one of forums he is moderating is. i think someones power has gotten to their head.

**Falcon Coupe** · 01-03-2008, 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lookingforlove

yeh why would a "super moderator" not even know what the point of one of forums he is moderating is. i think someones power has gotten to their head.

Dam, this thread has started to attract EMO's !

Sourbastard · 01-03-2008, 06:07 PM

1 thread derailed. 1 spammer banned. Cosmos 0, sourbastard 1.